Not Just Another Love Story
What is love? The answer to that question is a secret no one will know. Something I can define, however, is how characters express their love and, more importantly, how to tell whether their love is genuine. These questions lead up to a pivotal question: how do the complexities of one's love reveal insights about their character?
To start, I want to explore how people express their love, also known as their love language. The five well-known love languages are physical touch, gift-giving, acts of service, quality time, and words of affirmation. (Take this test to find out your love language!)
In May Chee Lai’s short story Saving Sourdi, younger sister Nea expresses her love for her elder sister Sourdi through quality time. Ever since Sourdi first started seeing Duke, and therefore spending less time with Nea, the younger was not happy. She would even accompany them to their dates and witnessed their first kiss (bleh–who would actively choose to see that??). When Sourdi finally married away and left the household for good, Nea was greatly hurt as she was no longer able to spend the quality time she needed with her sister.
In my book club novel, Exit West by Mohsin Hamid, the protagonist Nadia expresses her love through physical touch. She constantly seeks comfort in Saeed’s (her boyfriend-ish) arms and even goes as far as insisting on intercourse multiple times despite her partner’s strong disapproval.
Love doesn't have to be limited to only these five categories, however. In my September Independent Reading Book, Crying in H-Mart, the author’s late mom shows her love through food and concern for her daughter. Amma (the mom) constantly worries about her daughter’s future, looks, and health (maybe too much at times) and will never miss an opportunity to stuff some home-cooked Korean food down her throat!
This video is exaggerated for entertainment purposes but gets the point across. I especially liked the comment saying, “Rejecting food from an Asian mom is like saying I don't love you”
Now that I’ve analyzed various forms of love, I want to delve into their true value. As a child of an Asian immigrant couple, I can easily testify to Amma’s peculiar form of love for her daughter. During the Harkness discussion in class, many students labeled her love as possessive and toxic. Though she could easily tone down her scrutinizing a bit (mom and dad take notes!) Amma's concern is truly in her daughter’s best interests. She simply wants to help her have a better life. From the way the author described her experiences and how closely they resonated with mine, I can tell this love is genuine. As for Saeed and Nadia—well, that's a different story.
Though I initially found their love to be genuine, I think it became apparent that it was anything but that. After discovering new sides of each other and clashes between love languages, Saeed and Nadia realize that their love was merely a form of comfort–a distraction from the burden of war. Nadia even explicitly admits this and ends up leaving to not damage their relationship any further. In this case, it’s fair to say their love was artificial.
In Saving Sourdi, Nea’s love is quite complex. As a younger sibling, I can connect with her as elder siblings serve as an inspiration and role models for us. Having someone like that leave at such a young age would definitely cause some problems in my life. Even then, it seems as though Nea doesn’t care about her sister’s life that much but more about the role of her sister in her own life. She can’t accept the fact that her sister has moved on and started her own family. Though she is genuinely concerned for her sister after the mysterious phone call incident, she isn't satisfied even after she sees her living happily with her husband because she knows she can’t have her sister back in her own life. Given these circumstances, I would say Nea’s love is an artificial love disguised by genuine concern.
So, what was the point of all this? Well, after analyzing these characters' distinct approaches to love and whether they truly meant anything, I have learned quite a lot about each character. Nadia needs someone who can provide her with the physical comfort she requires; her love is only genuine when she finds this ideal someone (maybe the girl from Mykonos?). Nea is a daring young girl who loves her sister very much (maybe even too much) and needs to spend lots of time with her. Her love is genuine but is influenced by unrealistic, selfish desires. Amma is a truly loving mother who showers her daughter with…criticisms? But this unique love serves to help her daughter grow and become a successful woman.
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All these characters are connected through love, yet each one’s love has different culminations. For some, this love serves as a way to remember one’s cordial presence whereas, for others, this love reminds them of memories they wish to erase. In the end, the authenticity and compatibility of one’s love will determine the final destination to which it will lead them.
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